Impromptu Discussion “The Power of Vulnerability”

This morning I sent an notice, not really expecting anyone to show up:

Good morning everyone! I’m sitting at the teahaus watching Brene Brown’s video “The Power of Vulnerability” and thought I’d host an impromptu discussion about vulnerability. Come join me!Β 

…This is what came of it:

(There is a notecard mentioned, given to me by Sedona. She is offline so I haven’t received her permission to post it here, so perhaps I will post it at a later date.)

Chraeloos: So, make yourselves comfortable, feel free to have some tea if you’d like πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: The video is running on the screen behind me, you can also open it in your browser if its easier

Chraeloos: Wow, everyone has notecards about this already haha

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): I don’t!

Chraeloos: haha well let me send you one

Chraeloos: Good morning Kelian πŸ™‚

Wisdomseeker (lissena): please send me one too

Kelian Chayoo: Good morning

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Thank you πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: most welcome

Chraeloos: would anyone else like a notecard?

Kelian Chayoo: yes please

Wisdomseeker (lissena): yes

Chraeloos: The notecards were written by a great friend Sedona

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Oh, I see….I had no idea what “the power” of vulnerability could be…but allowing our vulnerability to be seen can foster intimacy, too πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: Exactly Vi – and letting go of shame. So many people feel that they aren’t worthy of love. But, if you can’t fully give yourself to your partner, how can you love them?

Chraeloos: I think it is so important to recognize that vulnerability is what makes us human. It isn’t a weakness, but a place for character and learning and growth, in the sense that we can learn from each others vulnerabilities

Chraeloos: If we didn’t have vulnerabilities, how would we interact? We’d all be exactly the same. How boring!

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): (I like what she says early on about “Life is messy–clean it up” vs. “Life is messy–love it”

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): )

Chraeloos: haha, right? She is hilarious and so true

Chraeloos: Really, aren’t us humans messy? Aren’t we all experiencing something in every moment? Whether it has a good or bad affect, it still influences us and perhaps how we treat others

Chraeloos: And, the notecard explains that we think of vulnerability as “no protection”, but what do we have to be protected from? If we can open up and accept ourselves the way we are, it shows great strength, not vulnerability.

Kelian Chayoo: Oh! I have to run. Excuse me everyone

Chraeloos: take good care Kelian, thank you for stopping by πŸ™‚

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Take care, Kelian!

Kelian Chayoo: Thanks, and bye

Chraeloos: Hm, this leads me to bravery. I don’t think bravery is running into battle despite all costs – I think bravery is being able to step away from it without feeling shame. Recognizing when something is too much and letting it go. Accepting responcibility

Chraeloos: Good morning druth πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: Good mornign Catrina πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: morning*

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): This reminds me of some stuff by Susan Johnson, a relationship researcher… “The power of attachment, emotions and needs are such that even partners who’ve never known safe loving responsiveness from others, or have been violated by those they depended on, will still risk reaching out for care. And even if partners see their lover as scared and vulnerable, they can access a protective empathy that even they didn’t know they possessed.”

Chraeloos: Ah, very nice point Vi

Ari (arisia.vita): Weakness prevails over strength–gentleness conquers. Become the calm and restful breeze that tames the violent sea.

Chraeloos: Ari – beautifully said

Chraeloos: Why see vulnerability as negative? Why not open up to it and let it become you?

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Mm…I like that, Ari πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: Please help yourselves to a tea if you’d like, and if you have media activated the video is on the screen behind me, or you can open it in your own browser if you’d prefer

druth Vlodovic: I’ve seen it before

druth Vlodovic: an interesting talk

Chraeloos: /me nods at Druth.

Chraeloos: It got me thinking haha

Chraeloos: if we all let more vulnerability into our lives, would that make us better people?

druth Vlodovic: I’ve always thought that people who are tough and invulnerable are really displaying fear and weakness

Chraeloos: what affect would it have on our relationships? Jobs?

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Me too, Druth.

Chraeloos: Druth, interesting! Like creating a shield?

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): The world could do with more tenderness for sure

Chraeloos: LIke bullies…

Chraeloos: /me nods at Vi.

Chraeloos: I think so too

druth Vlodovic: jobs? we’d become more interested in accomplishing our work and less on politics

Chraeloos: Ah, good point

druth Vlodovic: shields are a good idea if you exlect to be attacked

Chraeloos: Perhaps we’d be more (sorry to use a Buddhist term, but I cna’t think of a better one) mindful about all our actions

Chraeloos: druth – exactly. Why do we expect to be attacked all the time?

Catrinamonblue: fear of pain

Catrinamonblue: hurt

druth Vlodovic: but a fellow I know who worked with the american navy pointed out that once you’ve spent allthis money and effort on destructive toys you can’tresist the urge to play with them

Chraeloos: Catrina – perhaps we have all felt pain before and we are afraid to face it?

Catrinamonblue: nods

Chraeloos: druth, well said

druth Vlodovic: setting your mind in a defensive pattern can be seen as creating battle toys

Ari (arisia.vita): from that example druth, I wish they had spent more money on “love toys” πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: why do we shy away from pain and hurt? We know that we will experience at least once in our lives, even if its as small as a paper cut or as large as death. Isn’t is all an experience for growth and to see who your true friends are?

Chraeloos: Druth, yes, very true. You attract the way you think…

Chraeloos: Ari, yes!

Chraeloos: I believe the Buddha said, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” If we think defensively we are bound to encounter problems. Wehreas if we think tenderly we are bound to encounter love and friendship and ease.

Ari (arisia.vita): He also said…

Ari (arisia.vita): When life hurls stones at you, whether they be pebbles or boulders, remember that love is the great protector, protecting us from anger and jealousy, and from harm inflicted by spirits. When Buddha Shakyamuni was meditating under the Bodhi Tree he was attacked by all the terrifying demons of this world, but his love transformed their weapons into a rain of flowers. Ultimately our love will become the universal love of a Buddha, which actually has the power to bestow happiness on all living beings.

Chraeloos: Isn’t it true that when you love someone you love them for all the strengths and all their weaknesses? Whtether it’s family, friends, or a partner.

Chraeloos: Ari, beautiful

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): I think we learn too much bitterness and caution from pain, sometimes…that’s the “closing in” reaction Ran Prieur sometimes talks about; limiting our possibilities to limit our chances of being hurt again. We usually can learn empathy and compassion from hurt, too, though…that’s the “opening up” reaction–broadening our experiences to take in more beauty before us that helps us address the pain.

Catrinamonblue: Lovely Ari

Catrinamonblue: yes Professorette I agree

Chraeloos: Vi, well said

druth Vlodovic: “transforming their weapons to flowers” takes time we are afraid we won’thave before being hurt

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): πŸ™‚ Ari

druth Vlodovic: but in the long term feuds never stop and only peace lasts

Chraeloos: HI Starhaeart πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: wow sorry typoes haha

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Hi Star

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): Hi

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): sorry to be so late

Chraeloos: Druth, time, good point. How long does it take to be able to face the hurt and pain we’ve experiences?

Chraeloos: No problem Star πŸ™‚ You’re welcome any time

Chraeloos: Pardon me a moment irl, am going to move to the kitchen…may get booted in the meantime

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): Good luck!

Chraeloos: thanks…looks like I’m safe haha

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): That was a good talk…thanks for sharing, Chrae πŸ™‚

druth Vlodovic: we have the time we give ourselves i guess

druth Vlodovic: but it takes tons of equanimity to be willing to pay the price over and over

Chraeloos: no problem, any time πŸ™‚ haha

Chraeloos: druth, good point

druth Vlodovic: and tons more courage to face the potential costs which are usually much higher

Chraeloos: I’ve found in myself that it is so much easier to let the pain in and encounter it and then let it go rather than hold on to it and carry it around for years

Chraeloos: true

Chraeloos: I mean, get friendly with your emotions…haha

Chraeloos: why not let yourself experience what it is you feel?

druth Vlodovic: “make friends with suffering”

druth Vlodovic: when i first heard that i was horrified

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): That can be really difficult, but I agree….it’s usually best to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, even if it’s devastating…it’s usually better in the long term

ThΡ” lovΡ”lΙ£ AlΓ­z: Nathalia (aliznathalia.raviprakash): that was lovely, thank you for hosting these wise words

Chraeloos: druth, haha yes I was too

Chraeloos: Aliz, most welcome, glad you could come

Chraeloos: Since this is impromptu there is no time limit, so feel free to stick around as long as you’d like

Chraeloos: Vi, very true. It can be devastating, and you can experience depths you never have before – which is where the bravery comes in. But the idea is to be the witness…realizing that there is a life ahead of you that doesn’t have to include this moment

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): “Sorrow isn’t something I want, but if it’s standing by my door, I’ll let it inside and love it like anything else.”….I wrote that in a letter to a friend; we were both going through very difficult things.

druth Vlodovic: in buddhism they talk about allowing suffering, and how it is good for people to suffer

Chraeloos: Vi, very well said! Thank you for sharing that

druth Vlodovic: ah,violet said it better than me πŸ™‚

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): πŸ˜›

Chraeloos: Hm, I would disagree about it being good for people to suffer, but good to let it in sometimes for sure…I can see what you mean

Catrinamonblue: through suffering we come to kow what true joy is, you can’t have one without the other

Ari (arisia.vita): sorry for yet another quote, but they are coming freely today…

Ari (arisia.vita): The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” – Elisabeth KΓΌbler-Ross

Chraeloos: Catrina, agreed! Well said

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): It’s good to acknowledge that you are suffering.

druth Vlodovic: we get defensive because so often martyrdom is mixed with violence and mindlessness

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): πŸ™‚ Ari

Chraeloos: No need to apologize Ari!

Catrinamonblue: Yes Ari exactly

Chraeloos: Druth, agreed

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): It’s good to acknowledge that others are suffering, too….it helps, to tell someone you see their vulnerability. It can be tricky to do, though, without poking them in tender spots..

Catrinamonblue: nods

Catrinamonblue: I been there and done that πŸ™‚

druth Vlodovic: many good things are corrupted by those with agendas that it can be hard to know wisdom when you hear it

Chraeloos: people are funny with how “in the moment” they are – I mean, I work at our equivalent of a DMV, and people come in and get so mad becuase they owe fines…well, don’t speed…lol but they see it as a huge offense to them instead of seeing at something they caused

Chraeloos: Vi, yes very true. I like to practice that at work too – realizing that I don’t know what is happening in other peoples lives so can’t judge their reactions to things

Chraeloos: druth, agreed.

Chraeloos: Everyone has their own idea of right and wrong

druth Vlodovic: I suspect they are angry because they know they did wrong,but not “that” wrong and it irks them

druth Vlodovic: second arrow suffering πŸ™‚

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): I do that out of habit, now, Chrae….even when people harrass me or act in willfully hurtful ways, I kind of reflexively assume THEY’RE in pain

Chraeloos: haha druth, well said

Chraeloos: Vi, yes me too

Chraeloos: its so much easier that way because you don’t take everything personally

Professorette Violet Ninetails (ataraxia.azemus): I need to get going, though….be well, everyone πŸ™‚

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): compassion and empathy are sorely needed in our world

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): yes druth

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): I’m very laggy today

druth Vlodovic: “Forgive your enemies and it will be like heaping hot coals on their heads”

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): often saturdays

Chraeloos: Starheart, I agree completely that compassion and empathy are sorely needed

druth Vlodovic: a mangled quote from the bible somewhere πŸ™‚

Ari (arisia.vita): better still, turn them into friends

Ari (arisia.vita): If I turn an enemy into a friend, have I not also destroyed my enemy? – Abraham Lincoln

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): “love your enemies, bless those that curse you”

Chraeloos: haha druth

druth Vlodovic: though I’m not sure it displays the right attitude, unless it is offered as a warning πŸ™‚

druth Vlodovic: love the quote from Lincoln

Chraeloos: nice quotes

Ari (arisia.vita): one more…Kung Fu wisdom…

Ari (arisia.vita): Master: Vengeance is a water vessel with a hole. It carries nothing but the promise of emptiness.

Disciple: Shall I then repay injury always with kindness?

Master: Repay injury with justice and forgiveness, but kindness always with kindness.

Chraeloos: ah, well said!

Catrinamonblue: dispelling anger with compassion and understanding (or forgiveness) works so much better than reflective anger

druth Vlodovic: someday I need to get a reading list from ari πŸ™‚

Chraeloos: catrina, so true

Ari (arisia.vita): you think I don’t remember all these? have them all in my head?….you are correct πŸ™‚

druth Vlodovic: a reaction that is based on reason and compassion is usually more considered than one based on anger

Chraeloos: druth, yes lol agreed…Ari you should make one

druth Vlodovic: you still have to love yourself enough not to put up with too much though

Chraeloos: druth, yes! Realize when it is time to walk away

Catrinamonblue: nods

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): that may be the hardest thing to learn

Catrinamonblue: yes it is

Chraeloos: how do we open up others to the idea that vulnerability is not negative?

Chraeloos: yes, very true. Who wants to give something up?

druth Vlodovic: I remember when I was thinking about my moral: be good to people, when i suddeny l realized that I am people too!

Catrinamonblue: πŸ™‚

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): you can feel compassion for the person, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep them or their behaviour in you life

druth Vlodovic: but being defensive isn’t really being good to yourself

Chraeloos: druth, well said

Ari (arisia.vita): you are a special people druth

Catrinamonblue: agreed

druth Vlodovic: ty πŸ™‚

Friend of Trees (starheart.mcmasters): yes, its “love your neighbour AS YOURSELF”

druth Vlodovic: not more than

Chraeloos: starheart, true

druth Vlodovic: hence the idea that you can’t love others without loving yourself

druth Vlodovic: you can,but it often ends up being unhealthy

Chraeloos: yes, druth, exactly

Chraeloos: you can’t love others without loving yourself

Chraeloos: hm, looks like its getting time for Sims discussion, should we perhaps call this the end? Please feel free to stick around and come back with firends, this is an open sim..

druth Vlodovic: I figure it comesfromthe sort of politics required to raise big armies

druth Vlodovic: evolution is about the best survivor,rather than the best liver


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